In lieu of a more serious post, I’m just going to tell you some things I’ve seen recently that I wish I hadn’t. If you are eating, this might gross you out, so please put the food down now.

While out and about recently, I got to witness a redneck breeder family in the wild. Not only was it obvious they were rednecks, they were proud of that distinction: the Daddy Redneck was wearing a shit with some slogan proclaiming himself a redneck, as was the Toddler Redneck. Neither shirt was funny, so I can’t even remember the stupid slogans on them.

The toddler kept running around like a monkey on crack and his ownders mostly ignored him, although they occasionally beamed at him as if he was some kind of genius. Yea, some genius – the kid hit his head on the table at least twice.

This story wouldn’t even be worth reporting except for what happened next. Eventually Redneck Daddy reached out and grabbed the kid and for a minute I thought, “Oh, good he’s finally going to make the kid settle down.” I have too much faith in people I guess. Redneck Daddy wasn’t about to control his kid; he’d just noticed that the snot-nosed brat was literally a snot-nosed brat. Did Daddy pull out a napkin, tissue or hanky? No, these are rednecks. They don’t do that. Instead, much to my disgust, he used the kid’s shirt to wipe his nose, before releasing him to run around the room some more. I couldn’t believe what I’d seen! I thought I’d seen some pretty trashy behavior in my lifetime, but I’d never seen anything like this.

Now the kid and his snotty t-shirt were racing around the room and I hoped he wouldn’t touch anything. It’s not that I’m a germ-a-phobe, I just don’t like seeing things all snotty and slimy. A little later, Momma Redneck grabbed the kid and did the same thing. Okay, it was bad enough the first time, but the second time she was probably just re-wiping old snot back onto his face. Absolutely disgusting! Shouldn’t there be a law against this kind of display in public? I’d rather see ass-crack and I’m not too fond of ass-crack.

Since I’m telling random tales of gross breeders in the wild, I have another from a few weeks ago. I stopped by a McDonald’s one day (I don’t know what I was thinking) and much to my non-surprise, the place was filthy. I don’t mean the usual run-of-the-mill kind of filthy (people leaving garbage everywhere and missing the trash can because they are lazy) but soda-spilled-everywhere-and-pretty-much-the-entire-floor-was-sticky kind of filthy. I’m a bit of a neat-nick and I should have left then, knowing this was going to get worse and bother me. But I stayed. And it got worse.

What could be worse than that gross, filthy floor, you ask? The trailer trash woman who came in with two kids and let them run around without shoes on that floor. *shudder* One had on socks and was getting her socks full of that, and the other was barefoot and getting his bare feet all full of that. I don’t know which was worse! Neither kid seemed phased by it, which makes me wonder what their house must be like. Must stop thinking about that before I break into hives.

You might think the story doesn’t get worse than that, but you’d be wrong. The kids were running around crazily and then decided to start wrestling. On the floor. The filthy floor. As I said, I’m not a big worry-wart about germs, I just don’t like gross and messy. Why would anyone want their kids to get that dirty and sticky? Now their clothes were all sticky and even if the kids themselves didn’t care, it really upsets me to think of letting them sit in the car with their now-sticky clothes. Yuck! Strangely enough, their handler just ignored them and didn’t even seem to notice the floor. You’ve got to be a special kind of sick to be able to tune-out that level of filth.

(I’m so uptight about messy stuff that I can’t even watch slasher flicks – I get too preoccupied wondering about who is going to have to clean up the mess. I know, I’ve got issues.)

What is it about breeders that too often they are one extreme or the other – the “ZOMG, everything must be 1000% sanitized or the kids will all die from germs” types (who only hurt their kids by not strengthening their immune systems) or the “Fuck it, I’m not ever going to clean anything – it’s my right to be a total slob” types? I guess that’s what makes them breeders. They are either so incredibly lazy that they don’t even try, or they try too hard because they are insane.

These are just two more examples of why breeders should not be allowed out in public to roam about around civilized people. (Although, admittedly, McDonald’s can hardly be considered a civilized place, so perhaps I have no right to complain about anything I see there!)

Two more notes that didn’t belong in the last post:

I’m watching gymnastics on TV today. Some of these girls might be underage. Wait, isn’t this a lot like cheerleading? *gasp* If so, shouldn’t it be considered porn? Shouldn’t the guy who recorded it be arrested for creating and distributing child porn?! I think he should!! Who do I call to report this?!

Also, please go check out the restaurants guide and the vacation guide on this site. If you have visited any of the places on the list, let me know if they are as they represent themselves to be (adults only or limiting small children). Also, if you live near some of those restaurants, go check them out and let me know about your experience, or if you know of a place not on my list, let me know. I just want to make sure I’m not advertising for places that are actually family friendly.

You can comment here or email me. Try Phoena @ and the name of this site. If that’s not enough hints for you, I don’t want you emailing me anyway. *snicker*

I know I’ve been very busy lately, so perhaps that explains it, but I haven’t yet seen the annual article about how mommies deserve truckloads of mommy for their “job” of being a mommy. Did that come out and I missed it, or did the media finally figure out how stupid it was and decided not to play that game again this year? The article always comes out in conjunction with Mother’s Day, so I expected to see it by now. (To hear what I have to say about THAT, go here or to see some else’s even better take on that article, go here.)

Instead, I’ve been confronted with Mother’s Day ads more than ever before. I even saw a Mother’s Day ad at the marquee sign at the local pawn shop last night. (Seriously, people buy Mother’s Day gifts at the pawn shop?) This holiday is getting almost as bad as Christmas! Since when is this such a major holiday?

If you like your mother, this might be a good day for you, but I’m sure there are people out there who do not like their mothers so the day is just another painful reminder of what a shitty mother they got stuck with.

On a sadder note, if you loved your mother and she’s now gone, this day is really going to suck and a big “FUCK YOU” goes out to the people behind this publicity campaign (the pro-life movement) for continually rubbing salt in that wound.

More importantly, I don’t understand why Mother’s Day is supposed to be such a big deal. Quite obviously the pro-life movement is behind this bullshit. They want to remind us how we should be on our knees worshipping our mothers for choosing life. That’s absolutely disgusting, because they forget that a great deal of mothers are not worth worshipping or even thanking.

None of us ever got a choice in the matter of being born or who we’d be born to, so being obligated to thank a woman for this “favor” seems a little ridiculous to me. If you were born drug addicted to a crack whore who beat you for 15 years before you ran away, you’re really supposed to be thankful? Seriously? This stupid “holiday” is the equivalent of someone coming along and saying, “This is the job you’re going to be doing for the next eighteen to twenty years. You don’t get much choice in the matter, so just suck it up and deal with it. If it sucks, oh well. That’s your lot in life!” and THEN being made to feel guilty if you don’t reply, “OMG, Wow! THANK YOU! I’ll celebrate you every year for making me take this job without even asking me if I wanted it first!! No matter how bad the job turns out to be!!” You know? I just don’t get it. I’m pretty sure I’d feel this same way even if I had kids, because it just doesn’t make sense. Only people who had kids for the attention and gifts would really care much about this holiday, since it garners them more attention and gifts.

Because that’s the REAL point of this holiday, isn’t it? It isn’t about just thanking and appreciating your mother — it’s just another big gift-grab by breeder women! Worse, if you haven’t noticed, they don’t just want gifts and attention from their children. They pretty much want everyone to fawn over them, which also doesn’t make sense to me. It’s not like becoming a mother is a hard accomplishment – it’s more work to avoid being a mother. I just don’t see the point of rewarding something that any cat in heat can do!!

Someone on one of the boards posted something about a female columnist writing about how she guilted her ex-husband into buying her something for Mother’s Day, since her kid was too young to do it and she felt she deserved something. Seriously? I find that so disgusting. It’s bad enough expecting your husband to buy you something (you’re not his friggin’ mother, bitch, even if you want to act like it!) but to try and con your ex into getting you something? That’s icky. Besides, having your wonderful kids who supposedly bring you so much happiness should be reward enough. No one should have to buy you anything!

If anything, I think the fact that she gets so much time with the kid (and the father doesn’t) should be reward enough, but since he gets cheated out of time with his kid, *she* should probably be buying him father’s day gifts to make up for the inequality. Oh wait, I better not say that – mommies don’t want to buy men anything – they just want free shit for themselves! Everyone else can go to hell!

I know I complained about this somewhere on this site before, but I recall a friend whining to me that her husband had to work mother’s day and how wrong it was because he wouldn’t be home with her. Um, you’re not his mother, honey! But she wanted to be fussed over and given attention to and he wouldn’t be there to treat her like the little princess she felt she deserved to be treated like. Because her kids were too young to fawn over her, she felt someone should, and decided it was her husband’s job. Doesn’t he have his own mother that he has to kiss up to that day? Why should he have to kiss up to her, too? Especially if she’s nothing but a wallet leach to him (which is often the case)!

I don’t get this entitlement attitude! If they had a special day on the calendar for “Adults Who Have Never Asked Their Parents For Financial Support” day, I certainly wouldn’t expect my husband to give me a gift and kudos for it! I’d expect that from my parents and if they had passed on, I’d just have to suck it up and give myself a pat on the back. Duh.

Maybe I’m just more grown up than women who have kids.

P.S. A couple of fairly unrelated notes:

1) Childfree people complaining about there being no “Childfree Day” (the opposite of Overpopulating-The-Planet, er, Mother’s Day), stop it. It’s called World Childfree Day and it’s the first Sunday in June. (June 1st this year.) Just don’t expect a gift or much fawning over it.

2) No comments about THAT family (you know who I’m talking about) and their umpteen kids here. It’s off-topic, even if they did make this most recent announcement to coincide with this “holiday”. I’m really sick to death of that story, but if you MUST talk about it, go here to beat that dead horse.

3) I found some good articles about Mother’s Day to pass on to you. Find them here.

I recently read this article (from the UK) and the bitching from the mommyists. Here’s the gist of it:

More than three-quarters of bosses would not take on a woman recruit if they knew she would become pregnant within six months of starting a job, a survey has revealed.

Of course, mommies are up in arms over this and think it’s horrible and evil and discriminatory. To everyone else, it makes total sense. How could a *reasonable* person not understand that this makes total sense?

Keep in mind that mommies always reminds us that BEING A MOMMY is more important than anything, including any jobs they might get. Now, why would a employer want to hire someone who sees their job as a part-time hobby that they do when they are not busy being mommy?

If a woman is planning to have a baby soon, she’s obviously not the least bit interested in the job — she’s just there either to kill time or to soak up as many free benefits as she can get until it’s time to quit the first day she’s due back from maternity leave. Her only real interest is being a mommy. The prospective employee with baby rabies is planning to take lots of time off during and after the pregnancy, use the “I can’t concentrate, I’m pregnant” excuse endlessly, and she’s going to expect a baby shower at work (taking up office time). Let’s not forget to mention the hours of productivity lost due to her talking to anyone and everyone about the pregnancy! When she’s not on the phone about it, she’ll be cornering her co-workers and blabbing about it with them, causing their productivity to go down, too. Trust me, I’ve worked with these women before.

Most companies are in business to make money. Shocking, I know. Complain all you want about how businesses don’t value their employees enough, but part of that problem has to do with all the baby rabid women who treat work like it’s high school — they show up, check their messages, giggle with their friends and then leave early, having accomplished nothing.

So don’t be surprised when the employer is looking for an employee who is the exact opposite of Ms-I-Want-A-Baby-And-I-Want-It-Now. The company needs someone who plans to show up for the job and do their work. They hardly want someone who does very little work but then claims protected status when they want to fire her for being useless. It makes absolute sense that employers DO NOT want to hire women inflicted with baby rabies!

This is the problem with mommyists who pose as “feminists”: they don’t want equal rights, they want special rights. If they wanted equal rights for everyone, they’d want employers and coworkers to be treated fairly, too. It’s NOT fair to the employer to hire someone who is only planning to work part time (yet expect a full time paycheck) and plans an extended vacation within the year. It’s not fair to the coworkers who get stuck covering for her all the time but not getting the extra pay. The only person this is fair for is the soon-to-be-preggo leech who is using this job as pre-welfare.

True feminists want things to be fair across the board; mommyists want things fair for themselves only and to hell with the rest of us.

Yes, I know there are mothers out there who are not like this. You can tell the ones who are serious about their jobs because they do their work and they don’t get pregnant as soon as they get hired. Sadly, though, there are far too many mommies (or mommies-to-be) who are terrible employees. I’ve worked with them, you’ve worked with them, and the people in charge of hiring have worked with them, which is why they answered this way.

Most breeder women are very obvious once you know what to look for. Still, it’s quite likely that some of us non-breeder women are getting screwed over by policies like this and not getting hired because the employer thinks we might turn breeder. It’s not fair, but we only have breeder women to blame for it.

Remember that next time some breeder bitch tells you, “We women should stick together and support each other. Now be sure to support policies that benefit me.”

Yet another person linked to this site recently as an example of how “anti-child” childfree people are. This blows me away every time. I honestly can’t remember making all those posts about wanting to run children over with my car and secretly locking them in cages!

I used to think that some random person accidentally surfing in here could totally get the wrong impression. They’d might think I was actually (gasp) PRO-child. Maybe I want kids to have a good life. Maybe I had a (mostly) awesome childhood and I wish other kids could, too. Perhaps my childhood consisted of discipline and rules (the horrors), but that’s how I turned out to be a fairly responsible adult who can actually get along with other people. Perhaps I’m angry with shitty parents because they are robbing their kid of a good life, not just in childhood, but in adulthood, too.

Of course that couldn’t be right, coud it? Nah, all those people bitching about how anti-child I am couldn’t possibly be wrong! Just look at my last entry where I tell about how, unlike a lot of childfree people, I don’t just throw out kiddie crap I find in my yard but I actually keep a lost and found box so that any kid mature enough to ask nicely can get their stuff back. And then if no one ever claims it, I donate it so some other, less-fortunate kid could get some use out of it. Obviously this means I’m a horrible, child-hating bitch!

What about this entry where I dared to suggest that parents should spend time with their kids instead of looking to get laid. What a horrible thing to suggest! Children spending time with their parents? That’s about as anti-child as one can get!

Don’t forget this, one of my favorite posts, where I dare to suggest that kids shouldn’t scream their heads off 24/7 for their own *safety*. Yep, I must hate children if I give a damn about them enough to want to know when something is actually wrong so I could do something to help them, rather than ignoring all their cries because their happy cries sound exactly the same as their something’s-wrong cries!

And this entry where I talk about my disgust that people want to drug their kids up, is absolute, concrete proof that I’m anti-kid! If I loved kids, I’d be encouraging people to drug up all the kids, all the time! Only an evil child-hater like me would deprive kids of drugs!!

Yep, I must really hate children and be out to get them.

/sarcasm

Some people are seriously grasping at straws with this claim. I guess it’s a compliment. They couldn’t find anything actually wrong with my site so they make up the most ridiculous claim they could find. If it’s that hard for them to find a legitimate complaint, I must be doing something right.

I’m so sick of finding kindercrap in my yard! Of all the places I’ve lived in my life, there are the fewest kids in this neighborhood, which is wonderful. There are still kids, but none are my immediate neighbors and I hardly see or hear kids in the neighborhood. Yay! Still, there seems to be some kind of Bermuda Triangle effect that all this kiddie crap in a 4-block radius gets sucked into my yard! How the hell is that possible?! I’ve never had this problem anywhere else I’ve ever lived! Why MY yard?

Most of the times it’s balls of various shapes and sizes, but I’ve found all kinds of junk in my yard. I’ve taken to keeping anything I find and, if no one comes to claim it, it ends up donated to one of the thrift stores in town. I’m not a total ogre – I don’t sit at my window watching to see if a kid’s ball bounces into my yard and then bound out there and snatch it from the kid trying to retrieve it and say, “MINE NOW!” I know some breeder lurkers here would like to think that, but that’s not the case.

What actually happens is this: I will come home to find crap in my yard yet no kids are anywhere in sight. They just leave their stuff in my yard and go home. ????? I don’t get it! I can’t stand to have crap all over my yard and I shouldn’t have to! Still, because I’m not a total ogre, I usually ignore it for a while but if it’s still there the next time I go out, I put it in the “lost and found” box in my garage. I wait to see if anyone shows up to claim it, and if no does, I eventually empty the box at a local thrift store.

A couple of times kids have come to my door and politely asked if I’d seen their ball, and in those cases, I’ve given it back to them with a reminder to keep better track of their toys. After all, some other kid could have stolen their stuff and they’d never have gotten it back. They were lucky I was nice enough to hold it for them and return it when they asked.

Usually, though, the kids are so dumb they don’t even remember where they left the ball, so I never hear from them again. They just go home and demand their idiot parents buy them new toys. Apparently the idiot parents comply, or the kids would keep better track of their stuff!

A few weeks ago, a scooter started ending up in our yard every other day or so. Occasionally we’d find it in the street or someone else’s yard, but it seemed to be in our yard most often! Again, why MY yard? Worse, sometimes it was in my driveway, which was really inconvenient! If I’d had any idea which house the kid belonged to, I’d have gone and had a talk with the parents (who, I’m sure, wouldn’t have given a shit – they obviously weren’t paying attention). But I don’t know which houses have kids. The only people in the neighborhood who have been friendly with us are the ones without kids or the ones who were empty-nesters.

Like I already mentioned, I don’t see a lot of kids in the neighborhood, and I most certainly have not watched the few kids I’ve seen to find out which house they returned to. If I had, I’d probably be arrested for pedophilia or something. (”How dare you be watching my kid and stalking him!!”)

It really bothers me that these kids today have no respect for their stuff. They figure, “Eh, I’ll just leave my scooter (or other toys) just anywhere in the neighborhood. If it gets stolen, I don’t care. My mom will just buy me another!” Yea, I know this scooter is only worth about $25, but still! Take care of your stuff, kid!

It isn’t just the cheap stuff, either. My nephew recently told me a story about some kid at school leaving his PSP laying around. Nephew’s friend stole it, although, is it still “stealing” under the finders keepers rule? If you are dumb enough to leave something out in the open, it’s your own damn fault if someone else claims it. (In this case, the PSP did originally get back to the owner, don’t worry).

I’m not shocked that kids today have NO respect for their stuff, even something expensive like a PSP. Their parents spoil them so badly, buying them every gaming device, music device, digital camera and cell phone they point their little fingers at. I’m shocked. If I’d wanted expensive stuff like that, my parents would have told me to get a job! I can’t imagine my parents having spent upwards of $1500 on electronic crap for me when I was a kid, and I wouldn’t have expected them to. But then, I wasn’t a spoiled brat, either! I was recently talking to a gal who said she had to buy her kid a new iPod because he’d lost his, and I was blown away. It’s bad enough she bought him one in the first place, but buying a replacement after he hadn’t taken care of his first one? I’m speechless. If I’d lost anything when I was a kid, even a $5 cassette tape of my favorite band, my parents would have said, “You didn’t take care of it, so you have to pay for the replacement on your own.”

More importantly, why don’t these kids ever lose something good like an iPod in my yard? Why is it always junk?!

Anyway, after finding the scooter in our driveway yet again, a couple of weeks ago my husband said he’d had enough, and put it in the lost and found box. If a kid had shown up at our door and politely asked for it back and apologized, we’d have returned it after telling him to take better care of his shit and for the love of all that is holy, keep it the fuck out of my driveway! The last thing I need is to be backing out of the garage and run over it!

No kid ever showed up. I’m sure he just went home and said, “MOM! Get me another scooter! RIGHT NOW!” and she did.

So today there is probably a kid going into the DAV thrift store with his mother and for $5 he’ll walk out with a scooter and be so happy. Hopefully that kid will appreciate more than the last kid did. I certainly hope so.

I feel less sorry for parents these days when they cry broke, since they not only buy their kids everything they point at, including overpriced shit, but then pay to keep replacing all their shit when they don’t take care of it. Don’t even get me started on the parents who spoil their brats who are 16+ and old enough to get a job and buy their own shit.

Lurking parents: teach your kids to take better care of their shit and keep it out of our yards. I don’t want to be picking up after your kids. That’s YOUR job. I would much rather they kept their balls and scooters and miscellaneous other crapola so I didn’t have to waste a trip to the thrift store every couple of months with a box full of their junk from my yard!

Check out this article:

Gilbert Chan, a business reporter at The Bee, pleaded not guilty Friday to a felony charge of possession of child pornography.

…Chan’s lawyer, Steven Sabbadini, questioned the charge. “What he did was film fully clothed cheerleaders during a public performance,” he said. “The question is whether that fits the definition of child pornography.”

Cheerleading is now child porn?! If that’s true, why are these parents allowed to let their kids be cheerleaders? Shouldn’t the parents be arrested for pimping their kids out?

So what if some guy did film a bunch of 16-year-olds dancing provocatively at a cheerleading competition? So what if his motive was to take it home and watch it in his bedroom late at night? The kids aren’t naked so it’s not actually porn! He’s not raping the kids and he’s not drugging them or tricking them into getting naked for him to film them, or buying something that someone else drugged or tricked girls into getting naked for. Where is the crime? Oh that’s right, there isn’t one.

Meanwhile, those “innocent little girls” have probably had more sex than he has!

If it’s a crime for him to film it, why isn’t it a crime when all daddies film it? Are we still pretending that daddies are never pervy, and that no man has ever gotten a woody over his teenaged daughter’s friends? Please. That’s so ridiculous.

While I might find it a bit pervy for guys to want to jerk off to cheerleaders instead of getting girlfriends, what’s the big deal? If parents don’t like people finding their daughters’ cheerleading routines exciting, they certainly have the option of not letting their kids do those sexual routines and not letting their kids wear skimpy outfits.

Better yet, why not lock up all the pretty teenaged girls until they turn 18. This will keep them away from anyone who might have a naughty thought about them, and as a bonus, there would be fewer bastard kids being born to teenager mothers! Win-win for everyone!!

I suppose this means if you are in Tennessee, you aren’t allowed to watch cheerleading competitions in your car DVD player. It would violate their porn in cars law.

I just can’t believe this is what the world is coming to!

(Note: Remember, if you want to comment, you’ll have to re-register (unless you’ve already done so in the last couple of weeks).

Because I’m a lazy bitch, I did a half-assed back-up of this journal before the move to the new server. Because of that, you will need to re-register to post comments. Your old login names and passwords won’t work. You can use the same login name and password, but you will have to re-register to use them.

New rants coming maybe next week or something.

Once upon a time, back when people had class, they didn’t need to constantly be the center of attention. In those days, people didn’t pretend like their entire identity was wrapped up in “parent” and they didn’t use their kids to get attention. Back in those days, people didn’t make a big deal about their pregnancies, and they certainly didn’t announce them until after they were in the second trimester. They also didn’t have outrageous baby gift registries.

But times have changed.

Those obnoxious entirely self-centered kids we used to bitch about have grown up into the obnoxious teens and twenty-somethings we are all disgusted with today.

Don’t try and convince me that they aren’t getting pregnant for the attention! They are! This is why they talk about the phenomena of pregnancy being “contagious” especially in younger girls. Now that teen and un-wed motherhood are no longer shameful, lots of people shower these girls with attention as if bringing another bastard child into the world was a responsible choice! Most of these girls have nothing else going for them, and this is the first time they’ve ever gotten attention. They certainly aren’t going to get attention for their good grades or their athletic prowess. The only way they can get attention without having to do any real work is get knocked up. And that’s not too hard — all you have to do is find some guy drunk enough to have sex with you. Teen boys love to get drunk and have sex, so it’s pretty damn easy. And no studying, working hard or having to get in shape involved! Viola, instant attention!

But it’s not just the teen girls. You get a bunch of twenty-somethings who just want some group to fit in to, and all the other girls their age are having babies, so they just do it, too, just to “fit in” and of course, to get the attention. Granted, down the line, parenthood will be hard, but that first year all you have to do is waddle your way from baby shower to baby shower, then have the baby and expect everyone to wait on you. It’s pretty easy. Down the line it’ll be some work, but no one ever said these women were smart enough to plan ahead. Besides, they will just get knocked up with their second the minute the attention starts to die down from the first.

These attention-whores have dumped the custom of waiting until the 2nd trimester to announce their pregnancies. They announce the pregnancies the minute they pee on the stick, because they don’t want to miss out on ONE MINUTE of attention. If they waited, they might miss two whole months of attention! You couldn’t expect them to do that!

More importantly, if they miscarry, they want oodles of attention and sympathy for that, too. In fact, at least 25% of why they announce their pregnancies early (despite the miscarriage risk) is because they want the extra sympathy in case they miscarry.

Studies show that miscarriage is very common, and some claim that nearly half of all pregnancies result in miscarriage. If miscarriage is so common, why do they act like it’s a huge tragedy? If everyone pretty much goes through it at one time or another, what makes theirs so special? It’s ridiculous how they want to milk it for so much attention.

I’ve always suspected that a fair number of these early “miscarriages” were really drama queens who either lied about being pregnant (and had to find a way out of it when they didn’t get a “baby bump”), or they were attention whores who claimed they were pregnant if their period was 5 seconds late, and when their period finally showed up, they just claimed “miscarriage” because it was less embarassing than admitting they are stupid and were never pregnant.

The ones who don’t miscarry still milk the pregnancy for all the attention they can get out of it. They start taking pictures of their “baby bump” at three months, even though that’s just fat from eating too much junk food and they had it long before they got pregnant. Most women don’t start showing until the 4th or 5th month, and some not until the 6th!

What IS with all this showing off of the baby bump, anyway? What’s the point in that? Oh, yea, more attention. There is absolutely no other reason for it. No one really gives a shit about your baby bump but you. Not even the daddies give a shit!

Keep in mind if you don’t want to touch the baby bump, the mommies will be offended. If you DO touch the baby bump, they’ll be offended. You really can’t win. It’s all a game, and no matter what you do, they’ll be bitching about you tomorrow to get attention from their mommy friends. Pretty much everything you do will be fodder for their whining to their mommy friends tomorrow.

We’ve discussed the ridiculous ultrasound photos to death, but did you know about these new 3D/4D ultrasounds now? Thankfully most insurance won’t pay for them (the cheapest ones are around $150), but you’ll notice even the most broke-ass breeders will scrape up the money for these because you’re nobody if you don’t get the SPECIAL ultrasounds. These are probably worse than regular ultrasounds because are gross. They don’t even look like a baby; they just look like a stillborn preemie! They are creepy as hell, even to grown-ups who aren’t totally grossed out by everything pregnancy-related. Yea, just what everyone needs in their personal photo album: a picture of themselves before they were born when they look like a dead preemie. Ew! If you are mature enough to handle it, just google “3D/4D ultrasound”

What about the baby showers? Showers - plural. Not only do these greedy bimbos want baby showers for every kid (when in the old days, no self respecting person would have more than one shower for the first child) but they want multiple showers per kid. I was shocked when a woman told me a few years ago that she was having a work baby shower, a shower for her friends, one for her family and one for her in-laws. FOUR showers for one kid? What the heck? I was even more shocked when I’ve seen this more and more every year. They couldn’t possibly make their friends, coworkers, families and in-laws all come to the same shower. If they did that, they’d only get ONE special day being showered with attention. If they have several baby showers, they can have several special days being showered with attention! Isn’t that the whole reason they got pregnant in the first place?

And of course, next time they are pregnant, they want another set of showers, because they think their next child needs ALL NEW things, as long as the all new things are paid for by other people.

Yuck. That kind of greed just makes me want to vomit. When the hell did greed become so socially acceptable? How is greed ever a positive characteristic?! And why is it that if I, as a childfree person, want to have nice things (that I pay for myself), I’m “greedy” by not wanting to share my money with a child, but they aren’t considered “greedy” if they don’t want to spend their money on their child, so they make everyone ELSE pay for it? How does that make sense?

Have you seen what baby registries look like today? Back in the day they’d be asking for diapers, bottles, onesies, pacifiers and some greedy people asked for baby furniture. These days, not only do they want all that baby furniture for free, but they want you to become their personal slave as well! After you buy them a gift, they expect you to pledge to cook them meals, clean their houses, baby-sit for free, put together baby scrap books or websites for free, and other outrageous volunteer work for them. I can’t believe these immature Gen X and Y-ers have the gall to even ask for that stuff. Parents today have it easier than ever (despite what they try to tell you) and yet they think they should do less. They certainly don’t want to spend their own money on all the things one needs to have a child. They certainly don’t want to cook or clean their own houses (even when “cooking” today means putting something in the microwave, pressing start and waiting five minutes, and “cleaning” means spending the five minutes loading the dishwasher which will do all the work for them). It’s fucking ridiculous how lazy these parents are today!

So let me get this straight. They want non-stop attention from the second they pee on the stick until the baby is born. Additionally, they want us to shower them with gifts (namely: buy them everything their baby needs so they don’t have to spend their own money) and then they want us to volunteer our time to do THEIR housework because they want to be waited on hand and foot.

It blows my mind. What are they supposed to do? What is their responsibility in all this? Oh that’s right — they are just supposed to sit around soaking up all the love and attention and not ever lift a finger again!

I don’t know what is worse, that they actually think they deserve this treatment for at all, let alone deserve this for their irresponsible behavior, or that people actually cater to them.

What is this world coming to?

The latest trend in preggos is to whine constantly about gestational diabetes. It would seem this disease is on the rise in pregnant women, quite likely linked to the obesity problem we have in this country. To be fair, it can also be caused by other factors. But G.D. can cause some real serious health risks during pregnancy. This could even cause problems for the child at birth or later in life. Not to mention the regular health risks to the mother that diabetes brings on. Remember Julia Robert’s character in Steel Magnolias?

Just chalk this up to another STD and pregnancy side-effect that you’re glad you won’t be catching!

I’ve heard a lot of bitching from pregnant women about G.D. and how much of a bother it is to have to monitor their blood glucose levels about 6 times a day is. Wow, that might take six minutes a day out of their web-surfing time. NO FAIR! Some of them act like their doctor is just doing this to them to be mean! “Waaa, the doctor keeps making me check my blood sugar! I’m not going to do it anymore and he can just kiss my ass!” Yea, you’re right. The doctor has nothing better to do than make you check your glucose levels. He really gets a kick out of it.

What is the matter with these women? They act like pregnancy should be a vacation in the Bahamas or something, and suddenly are pissed off when they find out it’s not all that fun or easy and might be slightly inconvenient. Gosh, I don’t want to be around when they have a kid and find out how much work THAT is!

The worst part is that if they cared about their health and their children’s health, they’d take this more seriously. I’ve often seen them act like they know better than the doctor since it’s their body. They don’t want to be bothered having to make any sacrifices. Anything that is inconvenient, they aren’t willing to do. Guess that tells you what kind of parent they are going to be, doesn’t it?

One gal I knew left her glucose meter laying around for her toddler to get to, and the toddler poked herself with it and started bleeding and needed a band aid. The woman actually blamed the doctor for this! After all, if he wasn’t such an ass to make her check her glucose levels, she wouldn’t have left the thing laying around and her kid wouldn’t have poked herself. Never mind that the kid was going to live and that it was her own irresponsibility that made her kid get hurt. She wanted to believe it was the DOCTOR’S fault! Heaven forbid she ever have to own up to anything.

Honestly, I don’t know why any doctor bothers to get into OB anymore, as preggos are probably the most litigious group, they are the least likely to take responsibility for their behavior and they have got to be the biggest whiners. Can you imagine having to listen to preggo whining all day every day? That alone would make me want to off myself.

To all you preggos: Don’t whine about being pregnant. I’m not going to have any sympathy for you because you chose this path, despite all the warning signs that pregnancy isn’t fun or easy and has it’s share of complications. If you don’t like being pregnant, drink a lot of coffee and hope for a miscarriage. Or you might still be able to find an abortion clinic if you’re lucky. Either fix the problem or shut up about it.

Mostly unrelated but I have to get this in: Have you seen Halle Berry lately? Yikes! I don’t think pregnancy is attractive generally, but I’m not one to think all pregnant women are disgusting. Still, in this case, she’s hideous. She’s ginormous like she’s got a litter in there and something horrible happened to her hair! If that’s what happens to beautiful women during pregnancy, I’d hate to see what happens to the ugly ones.