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At least if you are childfree.
It doesn’t matter what the topic of the other message board is – it is pretty much guaranteed to be breeder-central. If it’s a predominantly female board, there is no question: it WILL be breeder-central. If it’s a predominantly male board, it’s less likely to be breeder central, but if the topic of parenting comes up, it’s likely to go south quickly, while all the breeder dads pat themselves on the back for having proven their manhood.
As an example, let’s say I want to join a diet support group online. It’s going to be full of women, for sure. There will definitely be many off topic posts about motherhood and pregnancy, as there always are on female-dominated boards. That alone would annoy the hell out of me. But even in the threads about weight loss, all the mommies will claim the ONLY reason they are over weight is that they were pregnant, and will imply that anyone who isn’t a mommy is fat because she’s a lazy slob. Never mind the fact that all the mommies weigh over 200 pounds, but they’ll insist it’s ALL pregnancy weight.
As another example, let’s say I want to join a knitting group online. Again, full of women. Not only will at least half the posts be about motherhood and pregnancy, but about 90% of the threads will be about baby blankets and that will devolve into talk about pregnancies and childhood.
True, those examples are both about predominantly female boards. But even the political boards you might come across, which often have more men on them than women, will have their share of dorks who want to announce their wife just had another baby and morons who will want to bitch about how the whole world is being anti-family these days.
So I don’t visit nearly as many message boards as I used to, and the couple I still visit are childfree boards, where I, finally, find some peace from all the idiot moms and dads who spend all day long chatting about the fruit of their loins and their entitlement attitudes.
Apparently, many fellow childfree people have not learned the same lesson that I have.
At least once a month, some childfree person starts a thread on their favorite non-childfree board about “Anyone else here chosen not to have kids?” I know this, because I check my referral links at the end of every month just to see what kinds of sites are linking to me.
I usually skim through the threads on these non-childfree boards just to see how that works out. Usually there will be at least one or two other childfree who will jump into the thread. But there is always a handful of mommies who have to jump into the thread and pick a fight.
Funnily enough, never in all that time that I hung out on non-childfree boards did I ever feel the need to jump into a parenting thread and pick a fight. I never felt the need to join a thread that was specifically NOT for me and talk about how WONDERFUL my life is for not making the same choice they did, nor did I ever feel the need to jump in and tell them they’d all grow up and change their minds, or they’d regret their choices. So why the fuck do the dimwitted mommies always do that to us?
Don’t misunderstand me that this scenario has only happened once or twice. This happens on any number of boards and I’m telling you, at least once a month I find a link in my referral stats. I’ve noticed two already this month: a Disney World message board and a politics board. Last month it was a Christian message board (Christian breeders are the worst). Before that it was some crafting site, before that it was a feminist site, and before that I believe it was relationships message board. I even ran into it on some role playing message boards.
It always plays out the same. Someone says, “Hey, anyone else here childfree?” and someone says, “Yea, I am! Wow, what a relief to meet someone else who feels the same way I do!” and then the first person replies with, “I knew it! I knew there had to be other childfree people on this board! It’s great to meet you!” and then, before the thread gets any further along, three mommies (it’s usually mommies) show up to say, “I used to think JUST LIKE you girls but then I grew up and got married and now I have three kids and I’m SOOOOO happy, I wouldn’t change a thing!” and another mommy says, “How could anyone not love babies? I have one and I’m desperate to have another! You really shouldn’t avoid your maternal instincts!” and the third mommy says, “I’m glad you people aren’t having kids! I know lots of kids who were abused, and I say, anything that keeps kids from being abused is a good thing!” (as if anyone who is childfree is automatically a child-beater!!). And it usually goes downhill from there usually ending up with mud slinging. And the original posters weren’t even saying, “God, let’s get people with kids banned from the state!” The original posters are almost always just asking a question: “Is anyone else here childfree!” That’s it. Nothing more. Nothing even remotely un-family friendly!!
If breeders weren’t so insecure about their life choices, they wouldn’t feel the need to take over childfree threads.
It’s so pathetic.
I’m fed up with people labeling all Childfree message boards or social groups as a bunch of bitter, unhappy folks sitting around talking about our mutual hate for kids. Breeders who think that are just plain dumb.
People without kids just want to find like-minded people to hang out with. My husband and I live in a military community, and it’s very hard to find folks to be friends with because the military encourages people to have children. This means the overwhelming majority of military wives only want to talk about their role as mommy. I don’t want to talk about infertility, pregnancy, child birth, babies, teething, potty training, sibling rivalry, etc. I’d much rather find someone who wants to talk about computers, web and graphic design, programming, reading, writing, bargain hunting, crafts, and other items of interest to me. This is why I come online to find folks who have things in common with me.
More than once I’ve been looking for online groups of interest to me, only to find that moomies had taken over. I tried to join a military group to talk about military issues, but it had been taken over my moomies wanting to talk about how haaaard it is to raise their children in the military community. Another time I was looking for a diet and weight loss group, only to find several devoted to talking about how much weight everyone gained during their pregnancies, and how difficult it was to diet when they had to make separate meals for the family. All I want is to find people with interests similar to mine, and not drag kids into every topic!
When I go out looking for friends, I am not looking for someone who I can bash children with. Sure, I have been known to rant to my friends about how much I hate bratty children in public. But that is a very small portion of what we talk about. I want to talk to about anything under the sun, except children. My best friend and I talk about a variety of subjects, and rarely is the CF choice brought up. Friendships with folks who have kids is much more difficult.
As an example, I have a “friend” who I chat with several times a week. He mentioned he bought a DVD player. I teased him with, “Welcome to the 21st century.” He said, “This isn’t our first DVD player. My kids have them, but now we have one just for us.” Why do parents always have to bring their kids into every conversation? I tried to brush it off with a joke, “If you taught them to share, you could have saved the money” And he says, “Well, one of the kids doesn’t live with us.” And his point is what exactly? The one kid would share if he lived with them, but the one that lives with them refuses to? **shrug**
Another time he saw on my website how I’m trying to organize a CF Boycott – a list of businesses and products we plan to avoid, since they advertise to parents and kids and not us. If these companies won’t take us seriously, we shouldn’t take them seriously!! But my childed friend comes back with, “Well that’s silly. There are more of us than there are of you!” So he thinks that minorities could never possibly make a difference? I explained that it shouldn’t matter; CF folks have more disposable income (since we don’t have to buy each kid their own DVD player and god knows what all else), and if we unite, we might be able to draw some attention. He countered that with, “Well, my family ate out last night and we spent plenty of money.” Oh, well that proves that people with kid are all yuppies with tons more money than any childfree person could ever imagine, right?
My point is, childfree folks need their own social groups and online discussion boards so we can find friends who aren’t going to take offense when we suggest a CF boycott, or drag their kids into a conversation about DVD players. When I want to talk about weight loss, I don’t want to be told, “I gained the weight during pregnancy, not just from being lazy!!” When I meet a new acquaintance, I want their first question to be, “What are you into?” not “How many kids do you have?”
Whine all you want that childfree people shouldn’t be allowed their own social clubs. Keep spreading lies that all CF groups are hate groups. It just shows everyone how small minded you really are.
Breeders suck.
Today I found yet another website dedicated to convincing the world that the CF people must be wiped off the face of the earth. How nice to know we’ve made such an impact. The gal running the site made a list of questions similar to my bingo page. I don’t believe she was mocking my page specifically, but the general concept.
She said CF people ask her questions like, Why do they hate me just because I don’t want to have kids? and People always hassle me to have kids, and when I say I don’t want any, they get mad at me and call me names, and then said it is all our fault for hassling parents. Then she went on to trash all CFers everywhere for being horribly evil people who have nothing better to do than to pick on each and every parent we ever meet.
Funny, considering almost every CF board or website I’ve ever been to has admitted that we don’t see all parents as bad, and we distinguish between breeders and parents. But this sad woman stereotyped every single CFer in the world and claimed every single CFer in the world stereotypes every single mother in the world. You know, I could have tried to reason with her, but her head is so far up her ass, I just don’t have the energy to bother. Unlike her, I do have better things to do with my life.
The only response I have is this: even if every single CFer in the world did spend their entire lives harassing every parent out there, at least we have the free time to waste. Why is it that these breeder women have so much time to flame us, and create anti-CF websites?! Aren’t they supposed to be doing the most important job in the world (TM) And wait, aren’t they supposed to be the mature ones? NEWSFLASH: Even if we start it, a truly mature person would not pursue it.
Breeders suck.
