I’ve been hearing a lot about the whooping cough “epidemic” recently and one particular blog I read from time to time has been harping constantly that babies are dying and it’s ALL OUR FAULT.

See, we’re killing BABIES!! Babies are dying because we horrible, selfish adults aren’t getting unnecessary booster shots!! Don’t laugh! EIGHT infants have died because of this! Our population could be about to be extinct!! Eight babies, that’s like, nearly all babies born worldwide in… the last 2 seconds.

Can you believe the nerve? These fuckers won’t even vaccinate their own kids to protect the rest of the general population from outbreaks of various diseases, yet now they dare to blame us for their kids dying from the resurgence of a disease that was nearly wiped out before all this anti-vac shit started.

These same parents who have been preaching for a decade about how extremely dangerous vaccines are and that they can’t possibly expose their children to these serious dangers, yet now insist that all of us members of the “village” need expose ourselves to those supposed risks in order to save their little precious snowflakes. What kind of logic is that? Next they’ll be telling us that the crime in Arizona is so rampant and completely out of control that people are being decapitated daily and then get upset when none of us want to vacation and spend our money in Arizona for fear we might be one of the people being decapitated daily!!

Funny how that works: you lie and tell someone that something is really dangerous and then they avoid it, much to your own detriment.

I don’t feel sorry for these anti-vac nuts one bit. It’s about time that what goes around came back around.

Who do they expect to pay for all these vaccines? You know that parents want us all to get them, but they damn well won’t pay for them. Hell, it’s hard enough to get them to pay for their kids’ school supplies! I’m sure these hysterical parents expect the money to come out of our own pockets, out of our medical insurance, or they think the government should pay for it. Don’t expect parents to have to open their wallets, though. Oh no, that will never happen. Hell, they probably expect us to pay for the vaccine at our own expense and then hand them money to pay for their vaccines as well! I wouldn’t put it past them.

Never mind that healthy adults generally don’t need the booster — even if an adult contracts the disease, it is not that dangerous to us and is often mild and goes undiagnosed. Never mind that we villagers can’t really transmit whooping cough to their children unless they let us get close enough to their children to rub all over them, which I seriously doubt they’d let us do. Never mind that this “epidemic” has been going on for the last few years now without the world ending. Here is an article from 2008 that says “Six to 20 babies in the U.S. die each year from the disease.” So eight dead babies is actually about average – no need to panic, folks. This is, apparently, normal.

Sure, PARENTS and caretakers of infants need to get the booster; older siblings, too. But the rest of us… not so much. I certainly won’t be rushing out to get the booster shot, despite these mommies trying to blame-and-shame me for the death of eight babies. It’s not that I’m afraid of needles or vaccines; I’m just not a big fan of pumping my body full of unnecessary drugs or medicines unless I know my body needs it. Have you SEEN those commercials on TV that tell you that any drug you might take to kill one symptom will have twenty or more ugly side effects? No thanks, I think I’ll pass. Nothing I’ve read so far has convinced me that whooping cough would be that harmful enough to me that it’s in my best interest to prevent getting it. I haven’t spent my whole life bathing in antibacterial soap, so my immune system is fairly healthy and it could use a work out once in a while. In fact, I think I might have already had this about six weeks ago!

Even if I was a hypochondriac and wanted the booster shot, I anticipate this to be a repeat performance of last year’s swine flu vaccine fiasco. I wanted to get the swine flu vaccine when the media was telling us we were All Going To Die from it, but then everywhere I went, they wouldn’t give the early doses to healthy, non-pregnant adults. By the time they had enough vaccines to give to us reproductively-responsible adults, it was April or May, and by then no one needed it anymore. Lame!

It’s all right, though. All you hysterical mommies can calm down: I have no plans to rub all over babies this season, either, so if I do get it, I won’t be passing it on to your infants. Besides, I’m not lucky enough for your always-screaming-in-public kids to drop dead from whopping cough, and, as they say, only the good die young. Trust me, I’ve seen your kids out and about and can assure you, they don’t qualify.

(image credit: skepchick.org)

One of my biggest pet peeves is myth that “pregnant women shalt not drink a drop of alcohol lest the child surely turn out retardeth”. Well, you know, looking around at the general population, if that’s true, I’d guess 90% of mothers must be drinking during pregnancy because I’m surrounded by idiots! Maybe that’s what this whole autism epidemic is about – not vaccines, but drunken mothers! Yea, let’s spread that rumor around. The other one caught on, maybe this one, will too!!

Do you honestly think a glass of wine will retard the fetus? I totally understand that one shouldn’t drink to excess for their own sake as well as of their child, but drinking in moderation isn’t that bad. This whole temperance movement has got to go. They are spreading lies and misinformation just as much as the anti-choice* movement. Neither group cares about fetuses or babies! I sometimes even wonder if they put out these lies just to see how many women they can find who are dumb enough to fall for them!

Pretty much everyone in the United States has jumped on this bullshit bandwagon. It’s difficult to find a news publication or doctor in this country that will tell you the truth, lest they be condemned by the anti-drinking police. Do you realize that women are more demonized for drinking during pregnancy than smoking? True, people don’t generally find smoking during pregnancy to be acceptable, but few believe that the risk for low birth weight or future asthma problems is nearly as horrific as Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. The FAS propaganda machine has been far more successful. In fact, many people want you to believe that smokers are helpless, unjustly persecuted victims who can’t give up their peer-pressure induced addiction, but a pregnant woman who imbibes even the slightest amount is just plain evil.

The folks at babycenter claim that any amount of alcohol during pregnancy is “too much”. In fact, they go so far as to claim that women who are even thinking about getting pregnant shouldn’t drink, because apparently that, too, will retard the not-yet-conceived fetus. Gee, that’s a neat trick since alcohol doesn’t stay in your system that long.

I did find someone on the internet willing to tell the truth: that a glass or two of wine isn’t going to hurt anything and might even have some health benefits. But first I had to wade through umpteen articles about how anyone who drinks will miscarry and if that doesn’t happen, for sure the baby will either be born dead or he’ll be an alcoholic ‘tard. FOR SURE! (Note to childfree people, apparently we don’t need abortion! If you find yourself accidentally pregnant, drink lots of coffee and alcohol! Automatic miscarriage**! YAY!)

Yea, that’s interesting, since excerpts from this article say the complete opposite (emphasis mine):

the American government, medical authorities and media have not been telling American women the entire truth. Although the official message is “don’t drink at all during pregnancy”, a great deal of recent research and a re-examination of the alcohol-pregnancy issue show that there is no conclusive evidence to demonstrate that moderate drinking during pregnancy can harm the fetus.

…According to Doctors David Whitten and Martin Lipp of the University of California at San Francisco, “the campaign against drinking during pregnancy started in 1973 when several studies showed that heavy drinking during pregnancy can cause the condition known as the Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. These studies demonstrated that the children of many alcoholic mothers were born with a cluster of severe birth defects. “What the government conveniently chose to ignore” say Whitten and Lipp, is that this syndrome is extremely rare, occurring only 3 times in 100,000 births, and then only when the mother drinks abusively throughout her pregnancy.”

Later in the article, they even suggested that moderate alcohol consumption might actually be (gasp) beneficial!

I’m going to go with these guys. I have an alcoholic relative who managed to have a handful of kids that were born healthy despite her single-handedly keeping Anheuser-Busch in business, and while her kids are somewhat fucked up personally, that’s because they were raised in a morality-free zone by an alcoholic. Who wouldn’t turn out with issues in that situation? But they didn’t have serious physical problems or retardation due to her drinking, despite everyone in the family being completely sure they would. We used to WISH alcohol caused miscarriage because we felt sorry for anyone born to her, and yet, it didn’t work. While this drunken relative was just plain lucky her kids weren’t fucked up, it’s very interesting that women are told not to even have a sip of champagne because that will seriously harm their fetus. Yet this drunken relative had a lot more than a sip and she didn’t even run into such problems.

My goal here isn’t to tell all preggos to start drinking. If a woman doesn’t want to drink – for whatever reason – that’s her business! I just don’t want her blindly believing the lies being spread by the lying liars who lie to control women.

I absolutely hate how in movies and TV shows, everyone finds out that Betty Bimbo is pregnant because she puts her hand over her wine glass to stop someone for pouring her a drink. Everyone goes, “(gasp!) Betty, you’re not drinking? Oh my god, does this mean what I think it means?” and Betty sheepishly grins and giggles and THE SECRET IS OUT, cue gushing of all the women and congratulations all around. Oh, groan! That scene always drives me crazy. It’s so cliché and stupid. If she wanted to tell people she was pregnant, why not just tell them? Who writes this crap?

Meanwhile, millions of women who most definitely aren’t pregnant are looked at suspiciously if they pass up a drink. There are many reasons why someone might not want a drink. They might be a recovering alcoholic. They might be related to alcoholics and don’t even want to risk turning into one. They could be on some medication that isn’t supposed to be mixed with alcohol. They could be the designated driver. They might not like what is being served, or maybe they just don’t like alcohol. They could be some teetotalling right-winger who thinks alcohol is evil. Who knows? But I really hate that if a woman isn’t drinking, society has been conditioned (largely by Hollywood) to automatically jump to the (often incorrect) conclusion she’s pregnant! No, actually, I hate that society is obsessed with analyzing women’s alcohol consumption at all.

Women should not have to defend her choice to drink or not to drink! Society needs to stop constantly trying to control women’s behavior!

Of course, we all know that alcohol and coffee aren’t the only things that will supposedly kill the fetus. As the article continues, it explains how pretty much anything women might enjoy is allegedly a danger to her unborn child:

In her recently published book “The Myths of Motherhood”, Shary Turner indicates that alcohol is far from the only risk factor pregnant women are warned against. Other items on the list include caffeine, chocolate, raw oysters, unpasteurized cheese, tropical fruits, drugs that alleviate cold symptoms, nail polish, suntan lotion and hair dye, all of which in some amount may harm the fetus. Turner’s conclusion is that “the only risk free pregnancy is one that is meant less to benefit the baby than to imprison the mother in anxiety and self-reproach.“

Tropical fruits? Notice McDonald’s isn’t off-limits, but healthy things like fruit are forbidden? Honestly, shouldn’t there be more concerned about these severely-overweight pregnant women than we are about fruit and a glass of wine? How can obesity be healthy for the fetus?!

But never mind that. Isn’t the bolded statement above exactly what the whole right-wing, anti-choice, temperance movement wants? To control and imprison women, make them full of self-doubt and anxieties, and most importantly, stuck at the home, with children, unemployed, breastfeeding, and unable to cause a stink? As they say, “Well behaved women rarely make history!” All these people really want is for women to have no choices, no fun, be completely subservient and dependent on men! The scary part is that so many women are falling for it and turning on other women.

*speaking of the anti-choice movement, they have started a facebook group called ” I’m Pro-Life, and no, that does NOT mean anti-choice, that means anti-DEATH” Well, let’s see, here. Telling women we have no option but to give birth to an unwanted child is the very definition of no choice. Apparently the anti-choice group is full of such idiots they don’t even know what the word “choice” means!!

**This is not valid medical advice, so don’t take it! Despite the fact that these idiots insist any woman who drinks coffee or alcohol will likely miscarry, it’s unlikely to work.

This is probably the dumbest thing I’ve heard of in a while and yet mommies are ga-ga over it. It’s The Shandle. No wonder people with kids are broke – they’ll buy anything that other mommies tell them is the “in” thing to buy, no matter how useless. (Admittedly this is a cheap piece of shit at $7 each, but I’d bet they’d still buy it if it was $100 a pop, as long as they thought it would make them look like “good” mommies.)

What is the Shandle, you ask? It’s some useless piece of plastic you stick to the toilet seat to help kids lift and lower the toilet seat without touching the “icky” toilet. As a bonus, it reminds them to wash their hands and gives them a cartoon to look at while urinating. That’s all it does.

So let me get this straight: these gals think their kids will die from germs if they touch the toilet? These people are unable to teach their kids to wash their hands so they need a piece of plastic to do it for them? (Well, maybe the piece of plastic can babysit the kids while mommy goes bar hopping, too!) And if the whole point is to teach the kids to wash their hands after using the toilet, does it really matter if they touch the “icky” toilet seat or not since they’ll be washing their hands right afterward? Couldn’t a home-made sign on the door or above the toilet remind the kids just as easily (and more cheaply)?

I really do not understand these germaphobes. I swear, a germ or two will not kill you! I’m not saying everyone should be licking toilet seats or anything like that, but humans have survived thus far without needing cutesy handles to survive to the next generation! I guarantee you there are kids out there who have touched a toilet seat, then put their hands in their mouths and lived to tell about it! I swear!

The feel-good crap like this is so ridiculous.

Think about this for a minute: Kids (and even some adults) miss and piss on the toilet seats. What’s to say they won’t miss and the piss gets on the Shandle, too?

“But, but, but… the Shandle is made of some antimircobial stuff! It repels germs!” is the mommy rallying cry. Well, here’s an idea. if this antimicrobial stuff is so awesome and lifesaving, why not just get a toilet seat made out of it? That might actually make some sense. But mommies won’t recommend antimicrobial toilet seats to each other because those toilet seats don’t come with cartoon characters printed on them!! DUH!

As for product reviews, one mommy says, “The Shandle is a neat little product! It’s so simple that it makes you wish you had thought of it yourself!” Seriously? It’s a piece of junk! The only reason someone might wish they’d thought of it was for the money they’d make off of dumb women who will buy anything if it’s marketed for kids!

My favorite design is this one:

If you have an overweight daughter or wife, this is the perfect gift! You can make sure she washes her hands and remind her of her weight issues every time she goes to the bathroom. BRILLIANT!!

Even more amusing is that they make some “decorative” ones for adults without the cutesy, “don’t forget to wash your hands after you pee!” sayings on them for all the adult germaphobes who think they need to avoid touching toilet seats, too.

Hey, but more power to the mommy who invented this to make money off the backs of all her peers. I’m sure she’s laughing all the way to the bank over all the suckers out there. Bravo! Job well done!

I had a run in with a couple of insecure mommies this week. These gals know a childfree friend of mine, but the term “frenemies” seems to apply here. Normally I wouldn’t dredge out all this drama, but it highlights something I’ve been saying for a while now about angry moms who lash out at the childfree.

My friend (we’ll call her Jane) was having a few issues with some people from high school who had found her on Facebook. I don’t know the specifics but apparently feathers were ruffled all around. (This is why you don’t add people from high school that you haven’t seen or heard from in years to your Facebook accounts! If you haven’t seen or heard from them in umpteen years, there is a good reason — they are not worth knowing!! Let this be a lesson to you all!)

Some of these people got upset with Jane over her childfree views and started staking out the childfree sites she’d post on (like this one) for stuff to use against her and throw back in her face. (And remember that, too, next time some mommy tells you how hard and time consuming motherhood is — how hard could it be if they have time to stalk childfree sites in attempts to harass their “friends”?!)

Jane recently wrote a blog post complaining about some of these problems. What I got out of Jane’s post was that these gals had been sending her emails pretending like they still wanted to be friends and still liked her, but were being condescending to her about her life choices and saying a lot of hurtful things to her. To be fair, I might have misunderstood what Jane was writing, but this was my understanding of her post.

In the comments I did what everyone does in their friends’ journals: I posted a sympathetic comment. Of course I didn’t know the whole story, that’s what friends (unlike frenemies) DO — they lend support to their friends based on their friends version of the story! That’s how friendship works.

I meant what I said, which was (paraphrased):

People who play those types of games with the implied (or outright) put-downs in them are insecure. They want you to know they feel sorry for you because they’ve become convinced *you* feel sorry for *them* and they can’t stand it.

Obviously I was talking in generalizations because I don’t know the whole story or the people in question, but *in general* my comment stands.

Both these frenemies of Jane’s started foaming at the mouth over ZOMG YOU CALLED US INSECURE and ZOMG YOU DON’T KNOW ME PHEONA!1!! (Angry mommies *always* misspell my name, even when it’s right in front of them, as if proving THEY can’t spell hurts me somehow. *snicker*) After peppering me with put-downs (thus proving Jane’s side of the story was true) they rattled off their measurements, how much time they spend at the gym and their (almost) advanced college degrees to me to PROVE they have nothing to be insecure about. They insisted that they are wonderful, smart, cute and fit so they can’t possibly be insecure!!!1!!1!

*blink*

Um…. What further proof did I need that they were insecure? They made my case for me.

I never suggested they were awful, stupid, ugly and fat. Unless they think the word “insecure” means “awful, stupid, ugly and fat” in which case, they are, at the very least, stupid. You can be insecure about a lot of things, and it’s not necessarily about your looks or your advanced college degrees (or lack thereof). And for the record, even some of the richest, smartest, prettiest, most successful people in the world are insecure about something. Why do you think there are so many shrinks and plastic surgeons in Hollywood?

These women informed me that of course I’d be infuriated if, as a pet owner, I read that someone else said that all pet owners were “brainless dimwits,” just as they are infuriated that childfree people insist all mothers are “breeders”. These rocket scientists informed me that when we use the word “breeder” we’re really calling them animals.

Interesting theory.

As far as my fury over insults about being a pet owner: I’m a cat owner, and I’ve known people my whole life who have told me, “Did you get rid of your cats yet? Cats are stupid and filthy and I hate them and if you were smart you’d get rid of them.” I have a sister and my husband has a brother who love to insult us about our cats, laugh and tell us about stories they read in the news about cats being harmed, and remind us they’ll never visit us as long as we have cats. Guess what? I’m not furious. In fact, as long as my cats act as relative-repellent, I’m keeping them!!

I’ll bet at least 35% of my regular readers think I’m stupid for having cats, and guess what? I don’t care! You are more than welcome to start a website that says, “Pheona’s stupid because she has cats!” and I would probably laugh my ass off over it! I most certainly would not have to run over to that website and insist I’m NOT stupid and tell you how perfectly wonderful, beautiful, highly educated and rich I am to disprove your theory that I’m stupid. I’m not insecure, I have nothing to prove, and your opinion of me does not change who I am.

I don’t care if you think I’m a 4′ 6″, 700-pound, transvestite Satanist who has so much body hair people mistake me for a Sasquatch or that my face is so ugly it gives small children nightmares and that I’ve got 900 years of bad luck because every mirror I look into breaks. I don’t care if you think I’m a 7th grade drop-out who is incredibly stupid and that I’ve never worked a day in my life because I’m a lazy bum who just milks the welfare system. I don’t care if you think I’m homeless living in a cardboard box behind the food shelter, that I’m a drunken drug addict or that I’m mentally ill and shouldn’t be allowed to vote. I don’t care if you think I’m a convict writing this from behind bars at the maximum security prison. I don’t care if you think I’m a bitter, barren shrew who wanted to adopt but was rejected and now I only write this website because I’m just jealous other people can get pregnant or adopt.

I KNOW what I am. I know the great things about me and I know the shitty things about me. I think I’m more self-aware than most people, and perhaps that’s why I’m not insecure. NOTHING you can say or think about me makes me any more or less than what I already am.

So if I’m stupid, you saying I’m stupid doesn’t make me MORE stupid. But if I’m not stupid, you saying I’m stupid doesn’t make me any less smart! Get it? I have no need to argue with you about whether or not I’m stupid because… I’m not insecure about your opinion of me.

My saying you’re a breeder or insecure doesn’t make you any more or less of a breeder or an insecure twit than you already are.

Since the two of you (I know you’re reading this, even though you claim you “so over” me (“When were you under me?”)) are supposedly raising kids (I know you have them, I just don’t know if you actually have time for them, what with all this internet drama you create, stroking your own egos, all the time you claim to spend at the gym, in college classes and supposedly working full-time, too), you’d better fucking learn that bolded part above so you can, hopefully, someday teach it to your kids so that when they grow up, they won’t have to play these stupid, childish games.

For the record, going around telling everyone that this and every other site says that ALL women with children are hopeless, moronic breeders doesn’t make it true by a long shot. You can keep saying it, but people smarter than you will actually come here (and other sites) to verify your claims and see you are lying. Oh, and insecure.

I’m going to cut and paste the entirety of this article. I’m just reformatting it so it’s easier to follow. Italics is mine.

THURSDAY:

EAST RIDGE, TN — East Ridge police are looking for the suspect who approached a boy walking to school and tried to coerce into going with him.

Police were alerted by the principal of Spring Creek Elementary who says a student told her about the incident. When the stranger asked the boy to go with him, the student refused and continued to the school. The male suspect followed until the child made it to the school.

The suspect is described as a black male approximately 6′ tall, medium build, bald and wearing cutoff shorts and a brown or tan shirt. East Ridge Police are asking anyone with information about this incident or seeing someone matching this description to contact Police.

And Update Friday:

EAST RIDGE, TN — East Ridge police now say this report was unfounded. Detectives located the man matching the description and the child identified him.

Police Investigators interviewed the child and the man. The child now says the man had not spoken to him and had not been any closer than 20 to 30 feet. The child did state however the man made him feel uncomfortable. Police now say no crime has been committed.

However East Ridge Police want to commend the child for his quick action in reporting this incident to authorities. Officials want to encourage children to always report suspicious activity to police.

What incident?! What suspicious behavior?! The man did nothing wrong — the kid totally lied! YOU DON’T COMMEND A KID FOR LYING, ASSHOLES!!

The police should have known right away that the kid was lying because kids don’t walk to school anymore. They aren’t even allowed to walk to the school bus! (Remember my earlier post? Yesterday I got home at 3pm and I saw the whole scenario repeat itself. My husband did not exaggerate — I saw it happen with my own two eyes! The bitch really does drive them half a block home every day – and she could clearly see the bus stop from her front yard!).

I might not be so infuriated by this article except something like this happened to me many years ago. At a family gathering when I was a teenager, a kid about 9 lied and told everyone I beat her up because, I don’t know, she was a brat and thought she could get away with it. The breeders in the family who like to think all kids are innocent victims started to form a lynch mob, but luckily there were some intelligent relatives present who immediately saw through the lie (partly because I’d been there in the same room as all of them (including the breeder brains) the whole freakin’ time!). I never did get an apology from the lynch mob!

But back to the article: If the guy who was accused doesn’t sue the parents and cops for harassment, can I sue for something? This story just sends the message to kids: You can lie about anyone for any reason and you won’t get in trouble — in fact, you’ll be praised! Meanwhile, anyone you don’t like will be detained by the cops as a good prank. Gee, there is no incentive for kids to NOT run around telling lies about people!

Perhaps kids just shouldn’t be allowed out in public anymore if this shit is going to happen. If parents are SO AFRAID that everyone is out to get their kids, then their children should be kept at home in a bubble so they are safe. Heaven forbid any of the rest of us be allowed to breathe the same air as them!

Crazily enough, in a sane world, productive, tax-paying citizens would have MORE rights than lying, snot-nosed resource-suckers.

This world is fucked.

Yet another person linked to this site recently as an example of how “anti-child” childfree people are. This blows me away every time. I honestly can’t remember making all those posts about wanting to run children over with my car and secretly locking them in cages!

I used to think that some random person accidentally surfing in here could totally get the wrong impression. They’d might think I was actually (gasp) PRO-child. Maybe I want kids to have a good life. Maybe I had a (mostly) awesome childhood and I wish other kids could, too. Perhaps my childhood consisted of discipline and rules (the horrors), but that’s how I turned out to be a fairly responsible adult who can actually get along with other people. Perhaps I’m angry with shitty parents because they are robbing their kid of a good life, not just in childhood, but in adulthood, too.

Of course that couldn’t be right, could it? Nah, all those people bitching about how anti-child I am couldn’t possibly be wrong! Just look at my last entry where I tell about how, unlike a lot of childfree people, I don’t just throw out kiddie crap I find in my yard but I actually keep a lost and found box so that any kid mature enough to ask nicely can get their stuff back. And then if no one ever claims it, I donate it so some other, less-fortunate kid could get some use out of it. Obviously this means I’m a horrible, child-hating bitch!

What about this entry where I dared to suggest that parents should spend time with their kids instead of looking to get laid. What a horrible thing to suggest! Children spending time with their parents? That’s about as anti-child as one can get!

Don’t forget this, one of my favorite posts, where I dare to suggest that kids shouldn’t scream their heads off 24/7 for their own *safety*. Yep, I must hate children if I give a damn about them enough to want to know when something is actually wrong so I could do something to help them, rather than ignoring all their cries because their happy cries sound exactly the same as their something’s-wrong cries!

And this entry where I talk about my disgust that people want to drug their kids up, is absolute, concrete proof that I’m anti-kid! If I loved kids, I’d be encouraging people to drug up all the kids, all the time! Only an evil child-hater like me would deprive kids of drugs!!

Yep, I must really hate children and be out to get them.

/sarcasm

Some people are seriously grasping at straws with this claim. I guess it’s a compliment. They couldn’t find anything actually wrong with my site so they make up the most ridiculous claim they could find. If it’s that hard for them to find a legitimate complaint, I must be doing something right.

Check out this article:

Gilbert Chan, a business reporter at The Bee, pleaded not guilty Friday to a felony charge of possession of child pornography.

…Chan’s lawyer, Steven Sabbadini, questioned the charge. “What he did was film fully clothed cheerleaders during a public performance,” he said. “The question is whether that fits the definition of child pornography.”

Cheerleading is now child porn?! If that’s true, why are these parents allowed to let their kids be cheerleaders? Shouldn’t the parents be arrested for pimping their kids out?

So what if some guy did film a bunch of 16-year-olds dancing provocatively at a cheerleading competition? So what if his motive was to take it home and watch it in his bedroom late at night? The kids aren’t naked so it’s not actually porn! He’s not raping the kids and he’s not drugging them or tricking them into getting naked for him to film them, or buying something that someone else drugged or tricked girls into getting naked for. Where is the crime? Oh that’s right, there isn’t one.

Meanwhile, those “innocent little girls” have probably had more sex than he has!

If it’s a crime for him to film it, why isn’t it a crime when all daddies film it? Are we still pretending that daddies are never pervy, and that no man has ever gotten a woody over his teenaged daughter’s friends? Please. That’s so ridiculous.

While I might find it a bit pervy for guys to want to jerk off to cheerleaders instead of getting girlfriends, what’s the big deal? If parents don’t like people finding their daughters’ cheerleading routines exciting, they certainly have the option of not letting their kids do those sexual routines and not letting their kids wear skimpy outfits.

Better yet, why not lock up all the pretty teenaged girls until they turn 18. This will keep them away from anyone who might have a naughty thought about them, and as a bonus, there would be fewer bastard kids being born to teenager mothers! Win-win for everyone!!

I suppose this means if you are in Tennessee, you aren’t allowed to watch cheerleading competitions in your car DVD player. It would violate their porn in cars law.

I just can’t believe this is what the world is coming to!

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