Some time back, someone emailed me to tell me I should recommend the book “Baby Proof” by Emily Giffin because it addressed some childfree themes. So I did, even though I hadn’t read it. After a while, someone else emailed me to say, “Are you kidding? You’re recommending that book? It’s soooo breederiffic!” and I amended my recommendation to say that not everyone would like it and it was possibly very breederiffic.

About two weeks ago I stumbled upon a copy of this book at the thrift store so I picked it up, figuring it was time to judge this book for myself. What I found is that it’s a mixed bag. You may or may not like it, although I can pretty much guarantee you won’t love it.

On the pro side: There were parts of the book that a childfree person could totally relate to – most of them within the first 50 pages. Stuff like why someone might choose the childfree lifestyle, some of the crap we take, and the book even had the very typical breeder couple who totally ignored the main character for months after their child was born, only to remember her when it was time for a gift-grab party and then she made their guest list. That’s very true to life, isn’t it?

On the con side: The book was pretty sexist, full of the recurring theme that a woman should keep a man at all costs, no matter how big an ass he is. (gag) Also, what started out to be fairly pro-childfree ended up with the message that the childfree choice is really nothing more than a passing whim that everyone dumps when they fall madly in love. Ug!

To make it worse, the middle of the book is about 250 pages of absolute fluff wherein the main character obsesses over this absolute jerk she just divorced and eventually deciding she must win him back no matter what. Trust me, nothing very interesting happened in those 250 pages – it’s just filler to show us the passage of time and how about a year goes by before they get back together. Yawn. In that way, it reminded me of the Sex and the City movie. Oops, should I have put in a spoiler alert there? Well, never mind.

This guy she was pining after made my stomach turn. This “Mr. Wonderful” that she decided to give up everything she believed in just to get him back, did the following:

Who would want this idiot at all, let alone decide to change everything about themselves just to get back? I guess there are some women that dumb, but I don’t want to read books about them!

Honestly, though, I didn’t totally hate the book. I did enjoy parts of it, but very small parts (like the beginning). So my recommendation to you is that if you’re really going to get worked up and foaming at the mouth over how insulting the book can be to women and childfree and/or all the baby rabies everyone else in the book has, don’t read it. On the other hand, if you like chick-lit/light-romance novels, think you might be able to stomach some of the crap and you’d like to read the book just for the entertainment factor and/or seeing what parts of it you can totally relate to, go ahead and check it out. I would discourage you from buying this book new and putting more money into Ms. Giffin’s pocket. I don’t see why childfree people should give her — someone who thinks we’re just silly and immature and will come to our senses eventually — a dime. Pick the book up at a used book store, get it from a friend, or stop by the library. Don’t give this silly, condescening WAHM-y any of your hard earned money.

Picture yourself as a deeply in debt newlywed with just a high school diploma and struggling to hold down two jobs just to scrape by, and at your side is a drunken, deadbeat loser for a husband. What’s the first thing you want to do?

Have a BABY of course! DUH!!

Oh wait — you just realized you don’t have any money for a baby. Whatever will you do?!

You’ll probably turn to your stupid mommy friends for advice. You’ll ask them,

”Okay, ya’ll. I really, really, really want a baby. Everyone else has one, and I have to keep up with the Joneses! But, like, we’re sooooo broke! I don’t know how we could possibly afford a baby, but we really waaaant one! So what do I dooooo? How did you all afford your babies?!”

And if your friend are anything like the kind of friends a certain gal I know has, they will tell you: ”Oh honey, you go ahead and have a baby. Babies don’t cost a thing!”

And if you’re dumb enough, you’ll fall for it.

As I mentioned in my last rant, a certain gal I know is in the situation described above. They are too broke for a kid, but she can’t stand not being part of the mommy cult. Despite all their plans to pay off their debts, have a formal wedding reception (since they eloped), save up for a nice, tropical honeymoon, get some secondary education so they could get better jobs, and buy a second car, they decided instead to have a baby and chuck most, if not all, of those plans.

What possesses people?! You can throw out the wedding reception and honeymoon, as those are optional and probably a waste of money, but paying off their debts would have been a really responsible, mature, and intelligent thing to do. Getting some vocational training at least, to help them get slightly better quality jobs would have been a really responsible, mature, and intelligent thing to do, too. Buying a second car might have been a good idea, depending on the situation. Spending some time together as a couple to make sure they didn’t rush into this marriage too quickly would have been a great idea. Then, after they got those debts paid off and a little education, better jobs, and their marriage had some foundation, they can have that baby they want so badly. They and any potential babies would be much better off.

But no, they don’t want to think about the future. That’s too far off, and if they wait that long to have babies, no one will lavish them with attention (and sympathy) now. Heaven forbid they (mostly she) not get lots of attention and sympathy RIGHT THIS MINUTE. *eyeroll* Future financial problems be damned — getting attention and accepted into the mommy cult right now is MUCH more important.

So this gal decided to prove without a doubt that they are irresponsible, immature and not too bright. Despite her total lack of qualifications for being a grown up, she’ll spend at least the next 5 years telling everyone, “I’m a mommy, so I am a mature and responsible person! Respect me!!!!” even though it’s total bullshit.

Did you know that babies are practically free? I sure didn’t. But here is what her irresponsible, immature, dim-witted friends advised her:

— Medicaid will pay all the pregnancy and hospital bills.
— If she can’t qualify for Medicaid, just do what all the other broke-ass mommies do — have a midwife and a home birth! It’s not free, but it’s much cheaper!
— Babies ONLY eat breast milk, so the baby won’t cost them a dime in food costs. Not one dime! And you can breastfeed until the kid is 8!!!
— Maternity and baby clothes are free, because you just get your friends and relatives to give you hand-me downs!
— Cribs and cradles are totally unnecessary– just do what all the other broke-ass mommies do: co-sleep!
— Strollers and car-seats are totally free — just make your friends and relatives buy them for you. After all, that’s the whole point of having a baby shower!
— Disposable diapers are unnecessary, so just do what all the other broke-ass mommies do — use cloth diapers. It’s practically free! Just make people buy you the cloth diapers for your baby shower!
— Childcare is free — either dump the kid on a relative or friend (free babysitter) or just quit your job and stay at home!
— Plan your baby to be born near the end of the year, but before January 1st, so that you can get a tax refund right after the first of the year (that awesome baby tax credit) and use that money to buy whatever else you need, and if you have anything left over, buy yourself something nice! (like an iPhone or PSP or whatever the latest trendy gadget is, I’m sure!)

This is what breeder women actually tell each other!! Ridiculous, huh? For a second, let’s just pretend we’re as dumb as mommies who believe this crap. So babies are totally free. Did it ever occur to them that they won’t always be babies? Eventually this baby is going grow into a toddler and is going to cost her money. And at that time, she’ll still have the mountain of debt, no education and deadbeat husband (or likely ex-husband) that she has now. What then?!

Not only is it offensive enough that the dumbest people are breeding at the double and triple the rates of people with any brains. But these dumb idiots are expecting us taxpayers to fund their life choices because they don’t want to even pay off their own debts, let alone pay for their child. They think we OWE them for breeding stupid babies. They feel entitled to welfare, WIC, medicaid, food stamps, tax breaks, schools, etc. They irresponsibly have kids they can’t afford and then expect you and I to pay for it because they just don’t want to.

Meanwhile, they are doing a lousy job parenting because they only had kids for the attention and once the kids stop getting them attention, they start ignoring and neglecting the kids.

These people need to be sterilized.

What is it about people who are so baby rabid (desperate to have children) that they are obsessed with breeding? And why are they obsessed with the rest of us breeding, too?

A while back I found an email/chat pen pal who was stationed in Iraq. I know how much it meant to my husband’s morale to have someone to talk to and email with while he was in Iraq, and I wanted to do the same for this guy, since he didn’t have much of a support system. But about all he did was whine and lament his lack of wife and child, and after him repeatedly asking me if I’d changed my mind yet about breeding, our friendship came to an end. If I had three children, would he repeatedly be asking me if I’d changed my mind about motherhood and if I was putting my children up for adoption soon? Of course not! What a jerk.

My husband laughed when I told him about that guy, because most of the guys my husband works with are all bitching and complaining about child support and child custody issues and the like. They are even telling young, unmarried soldiers they work with not to have children — it’s not worth it. LOL Military guys are especially screwed, because they most likely will not be living close to their ex-wives and children, so they get very little visitation or input into the child’s life. Even the guys my husband works with who aren’t divorced stand around complaining about how the children interfere with their sex-lives, and their wives don’t give them enough attention anymore. And yet this guy, because he’s bored and lonely in Iraq, is sitting around picturing Kodak moments, and he has NO CLUE about the reality of parenthood. But he doesn’t want to know the realities, because he’s so in love with the fantasy.

I see similar issues with women I know. They see babies and go all crazy, talking about how much they love babies and how they can’t wait to have babies. I have an unmarried, teenaged niece who is pregnant (by a middle-aged ex-convict, no less) with TRIPLETS. She’s wildly excited and happy and talking about how great motherhood is going to be. All she (and other immature women/girls like her) are picturing is how much fun it would to dress their kids up in cute baby clothes, have baby showers and get tons of gifts, and get all kinds of attention, etc. But they are not stopping to think about the realities of parenthood. Do they have any idea how much work babies are?! Probably not, because you never hear them talking about that — they just keep talking about the Kodak moments — all the happy scenes you see on television sitcoms. Boy, are they in for a shock!

I understand what they are going through to an extent. I think puppies are SO adorable. Other women coo over babies — I coo over puppies. If I see a puppy at a pet store, I’ll have to stop and play with him and cuddle him and tell him how much I just love, love, love him! But then I put the puppy down and go home. I know that mushy feeling of loving something because it’s cute and adorable — but more than that, I am grounded in reality. I might just fall in love with that puppy — but I know I do not want to take him home!! Puppies are a lot of work and they can be a real pain in the ass — and then they grow up and are not as cute. If I want a puppy-fix, I can go to the store and play with one — the pet store will always have puppies. This way I get all the warm fuzzies — and none of the prickles.

It’s bad enough when someone has a child that they are totally unprepared to take care of because they haven’t figured out that raising children is work. But some of these people who have babies and do know what they are getting into, but their problem is that they love babies. Just like I love puppies, but I have very little interest in dogs, these people love babies, but aren’t very interested in toddlers or children. I’ve known a couple of gals who kept having babies because they looooooved babies, and they didn’t even mind all the work they were. But sooner or later those babies became toddlers, and these women did not like their toddlers very much anymore because they were no longer cute and fun. And unlike a puppy, you can’t just give the toddler back! So these gals had another baby to make up for their loss of their cute baby — and continued to dislike and resent their toddler. Soon the new baby became a toddler, and now they had a toddler and a pre-schooler and they didn’t like either of them, so they had another baby, and became meaner and nastier to their older children — even abusive! Just last week I saw one of these women at a military ceremony — cooing and snuggling with her baby, while yelling at and smacking her toddler around!! Why do these children end up being abused because their mothers only love babies? How is it their fault they grow up? Why don’t these women work in a maternity wards instead of having children of her own that they obviously can’t handle?

I’ve found it can be really dangerous when a someone just loves babies — it’s a disaster waiting to happen. In most cases, this baby lust will end up making everyone miserable. What is SO wrong with breeders that they will bring children into the world because they think babies are cute, and then resent the children when they find out they are work or not so cute anymore? These people are trying to fill some void in themselves and forcing another human being to be their crutch! Scary. This is exactly why we need parenting licenses!!

If you know someone with baby rabies, you need to give them a reality check. Make them take care of a baby for a while, and if they are okay with that, make them take care of some toddlers for a while, and see how they deal. Make sure they KNOW what they are getting into, and make sure they are getting into it for the right reasons.

Breeders suck. Just ask their kids!