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October 16th, 2009

Mommies Buy Useless Crap

This is probably the dumbest thing I’ve heard of in a while and yet mommies are ga-ga over it. It’s The Shandle. No wonder people with kids are broke – they’ll buy anything that other mommies tell them is the “in” thing to buy, no matter how useless. (Admittedly this is a cheap piece of shit at $7 each, but I’d bet they’d still buy it if it was $100 a pop, as long as they thought it would make them look like “good” mommies.)

What is the Shandle, you ask? It’s some useless piece of plastic you stick to the toilet seat to help kids lift and lower the toilet seat without touching the “icky” toilet. As a bonus, it reminds them to wash their hands and gives them a cartoon to look at while urinating. That’s all it does.

So let me get this straight: these gals think their kids will die from germs if they touch the toilet? These people are unable to teach their kids to wash their hands so they need a piece of plastic to do it for them? (Well, maybe the piece of plastic can babysit the kids while mommy goes bar hopping, too!) And if the whole point is to teach the kids to wash their hands after using the toilet, does it really matter if they touch the “icky” toilet seat or not since they’ll be washing their hands right afterward? Couldn’t a home-made sign on the door or above the toilet remind the kids just as easily (and more cheaply)?

I really do not understand these germaphobes. I swear, a germ or two will not kill you! I’m not saying everyone should be licking toilet seats or anything like that, but humans have survived thus far without needing cutesy handles to survive to the next generation! I guarantee you there are kids out there who have touched a toilet seat, then put their hands in their mouths and lived to tell about it! I swear!

The feel-good crap like this is so ridiculous.

Think about this for a minute: Kids (and even some adults) miss and piss on the toilet seats. What’s to say they won’t miss and the piss gets on the Shandle, too?

“But, but, but… the Shandle is made of some antimircobial stuff! It repels germs!” is the mommy rallying cry. Well, here’s an idea. if this antimicrobial stuff is so awesome and lifesaving, why not just get a toilet seat made out of it? That might actually make some sense. But mommies won’t recommend antimicrobial toilet seats to each other because those toilet seats don’t come with cartoon characters printed on them!! DUH!

As for product reviews, one mommy says, “The Shandle is a neat little product! It’s so simple that it makes you wish you had thought of it yourself!” Seriously? It’s a piece of junk! The only reason someone might wish they’d thought of it was for the money they’d make off of dumb women who will buy anything if it’s marketed for kids!

My favorite design is this one:

If you have an overweight daughter or wife, this is the perfect gift! You can make sure she washes her hands and remind her of her weight issues every time she goes to the bathroom. BRILLIANT!!

Even more amusing is that they make some “decorative” ones for adults without the cutesy, “don’t forget to wash your hands after you pee!” sayings on them for all the adult germaphobes who think they need to avoid touching toilet seats, too.

Hey, but more power to the mommy who invented this to make money off the backs of all her peers. I’m sure she’s laughing all the way to the bank over all the suckers out there. Bravo! Job well done!

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Comments »

  1. Comment by sarah — October 16, 2009 at 1:14 pm

    Let’s not forget it’s obsessive germaphobes and the germaphobe-enablers who are helping to create multiple-antibiotic/antimicrobial-resistant superbugs…

    Thanks a lot, assholes.

  2. Comment by rhelune — October 16, 2009 at 3:52 pm

    Do kids learn to read before they learn to wash their hands?

  3. Comment by Shannon — October 19, 2009 at 3:52 pm

    LOL! Too funny!
    My thoughts are:
    1. As mentioned, yeah, thanks for helping to create super germs that will grow resistant to our current drugs
    2. WTF? These are for toilets in your OWN HOME! It’s not like you’re protecting your kid from germs from god-knows-who. They’re your OWN GERMS in your OWN HOUSE!
    3. Any kid probably spends ample time outside eating dirt or who knows what! I doubt touching a toilet seat is going to kill him.
    4. I learned how to do bathroom time properly as a kid, including washing my hands without some kind of gadget. Wanna know how? My mom monitored me when I was little and made SURE I washed my hands. I didn’t get to leave the bathroom until I washed my hands. I learned pretty quickly that if I wanted to get the hell out of the bathroom, I better WASH MY HANDS!

    What is this world coming to?!

  4. Comment by Phoena — October 19, 2009 at 7:40 pm

    I think I see the difference, Shannon. Your mom monitored you, whereas moms who need this gadget are too busy monitoring the internet.

  5. Comment by Shannon — October 22, 2009 at 9:49 am

    No sh*t!
    It’s actually sad how true that statement really is.

  6. Comment by Maria — November 16, 2009 at 3:28 pm

    “If you have an overweight daughter or wife, this is the perfect gift!”

    rofl

  7. Comment by Mariezee — February 23, 2010 at 8:18 pm

    I’d like to add, speaking as a microbiologist who reads stuff about what other microbiologists study, eg, bathroom microbes and where they like to live, that just about anything within a few feet of the flushing toilet has the toilet water bugs on it. The flushing sends em flying around. I could find the study if needed. You don’t wanna know about your toothbrush.

    Agreed, your own germs are the least likely to get you. And, isn’t it touched to put the seat down BEFORE hand washing, making it have gunk on it? The gunk is just everywhere, clean up often if you like, and cope! Only real reason to heavily instate hand washing at home is so that it is done away from home, all the time.

    I agree, what an overpriced useless piece of plastic!

  8. Comment by Phoena — February 23, 2010 at 8:21 pm

    Great, now I can’t use my toothbrush ever again! THANKS! *laugh*

  9. Comment by Y — June 20, 2010 at 9:28 pm

    Just a word from a science nerd….your toilet seat actually has fewer germs than your kitchen counter.

    And this is actually logical: how many times do you touch things with your hands and then touch the counter?

    Now think: how many times do you touch things with your butt and then…touch it to anything?

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