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October 19th, 2009

Woot! Hate Mail!

trollThat Daddy Blogger that I linked to last week and his people are still not over it (*eyeroll*) so now I got this trolling email. Which is fine but it’s such obvious trolls it takes all the fun out of it. I just wish I could get some GOOD hate mail. It’s been slow around here lately and it makes me sad.

The email itself is clearly an obvious troll, but even before I got to that, I knew it was a troll. This rocket scientist set up his email headers to say his name is “Pete Jergen” but when writing emails, he forgets all about this, so instead he signs his email as “Chris M.” Okay Pete AKA Chris. And I LOVE the M at the end – you know, he has to distinguish himself from all the other Chris’s writing to me in that email, right? I mean, if you don’t want to use your last name, don’t. But what does the “M.” prove? It’s not like this is Facebook where you are required to put in a last name or at least a last initial!

I debated on if I should post it here. On one hand, maybe it’ll discourage hate mail. On the other hand, the stuff in this email so basic, I could answer it in my sleep. I’m kind of sick of answering these whiny points, so maybe it will discourage people from sending me these whiny points again.

My name is Chris and I hope you are well. I am writting to you today to just get a little more input on this subject which I am sorry to say was unaware even existed. I was visiting my family this weekend and in speaking with my sister, introduced me to a website which made a joking article about having Children For Sale. It was just a harmless shot made by a father or ‘Duhdee” about his children working his nerves and went on to joke about it. Afterwards a whole community of angry Childless idiots began to spew a rancid assault on the father, duhdee or breeder.

All I wrote was a “harmless shot” about how Daddy Blogger was highlighting all the reasons not to have kids. Do you actually think that’s “spewing a rancid assault”? You need to get out more.

Side Note: I don’t even use the word “Duhdee” and it’s not on my Lingo List, so obviously this is someone who has been around this whole debate a lot longer than 24 hours to be so familiar with all the childfree lingo and sayings. Who even uses “Duhdee” anymore? Also, intentionally using the term “childless” is another clue — he must have known we don’t like that term and used it to stir the pot. *yawn*

Again, I never even knew such a community even existed. I guess the frightening thing about it is the actual hatred in their tones and sincere lack of basic human compassion towards another person.

Wait a minute… Didn’t you just call us “childless idiots”? And doesn’t that show “sincere lack of basic human compassion towards another person”? Or are you saying it’s okay to do that if you don’t like what the person is saying and in that case, wouldn’t it be appropriate for us to do the same?

More importantly, if whatever you’re griping about it something someone else said to your friend the Daddy Blogger, you’ll have to get with them to discuss the hatred in their tones. I can guarantee you I didn’t comment on his site.

I asked my readers not to go over there and stir the pot. If they did, that’s their problem, not mine. I’ll admit, I probably should have used better judgment and not linked to his site, knowing some people here would not behave, but I was being optimistic. Still, it’s my understanding that he linked back here and tried to sic his readers on me, too, so… I guess we’ll call it even this time.

Regardless, without actual examples of what was said, I can’t comment on any of this “hatred”, and I have to assume you are just over-reacting. It was my understanding that Daddy Blogger was flinging a fair number of insults and put-downs at childfree people, too (after all, this IS the guy who flew off the handle because we LINKED to him – and neither I nor the other blogger said anything nasty about him), so I’m shocked (not really) you are so blind you think this whole “flame war” (if it even is a flame war) is so completely one sided!

After scouring your website I can see the same undertones. Your slang, goals and rants are truly amazing to me.

Pete/Chris obviously didn’t read this site, especially since he’s outraged at my… goals? What in my list of goals was so horrible? Did I say kill all the children? Forced sterilizations? Making parents pay thousands in extra taxes every year to make up for their sin of reproducing? No. My goals are made up of: Reproductive Freedom, Workplace Equality, Discrimination Protection, Social Acceptance and Societal Obligations. HOW DARE I SUGGEST SUCH HORRIBLE THINGS!

And complaining about my rants? Let’s see, most recently I laughed that the Daddy Blogger’s list of “funny” things about having kid was actually kind of scary. OMG, CALL THE NATIONAL GUARD. THAT KIND OF HATRED IS UNACCEPTABLE! I mocked that mommies are buying “The Shandle” (something my friend Sarah dubbed the “Shit Handle” – good one Sarah!), and I laughed at a couple of insecure mommies who made fools of themselves online. Wow, awful stuff!! And don’t forget to check out this collection of “proof” of how I’m such a horrible child hater!

I cannot differentiate the difference between calling someone a breeder or a moo versus a racial or religious slur.

God, white breeders the absolute worst!! They honestly have NO idea what racism is about, and they diminish it every chance they get. Do they really see Michael Jackson on TV and think, “You know, skin color is a choice! All those black people who are still black? That’s just because they want to be!”

Here’s the difference:

** I can’t change my skin color – tanning aside (which is stupid) or millions of dollars, strange experimental treatments and severe psychosis like MJ had, I’m stuck with it. I didn’t get a choice in my skin color.

** I can choose if I want children or not. If I choose to have them, I really don’t have much right to complain about all the lack of sleep and sex that comes along with them. That’s a given that everyone knows about ahead of time! Meanwhile, I could always give the kids up if I didn’t like them anymore. Children are a choice unlike things like skin color and ethnicity.

** When people complain about “breeders” we’ve always made it clear we’re talking about their BEHAVIOR, not even the very fact that they have kids. You can CHOOSE your behavior and you can CHOOSE your actions. If you’re going to be a shitty parent, you better get used to people bitching about it because more and more people are getting sick of your lazy, crap-ass parenting.

** Someone refusing to hire someone because he’s black and keeping him from making a living, or savagely beating him up because he’s a different race is NOT the same thing as someone on the internet saying, “Damn, that women is a breeder! That poor kid, stuck with such a shitty parent!” Got it?

Now STFU about the whole “you childfree people are just like racists when you criticize my shitty parenting skills!” It just makes you all look like the fucking morons that you are. And proves you make shitty parents with such poor reasoning skills. If that’s the kind of things you teach your kids, you know they are going to grow up to be morons too!

I am in no way shape or form judging you but I am very curious as to where the passion for such a harmless topic is coming from. Up until 24 hours ago, I did not even know there was acutally people out there that cared to even think about this topic much less actively pour hate towards other people over it.

What passion? I said your friend the DaddyBlogger’s list was scary because it’s true. That was the end of it. You’re making a mountain out of a molehill, dude!

I was hoping you could help me understand the ideaology behind your beliefs on this.

Read my website. For real this time – don’t just pretend like you read it and make up what you THINK it says.

Personally, I have led a modestly privledged life and of EVERY single great thing that has ever happened to me in my entire life absolutely nothing has ever compared to the birth of my son who is now 15 months. Without question, it has been the best 24 months of my life (from pregnancy to present). Please let me know your thoughts. Again, I would never judge you or think ill of you as you clearly do towards others. Again, I hope all is well and look forward to hearing from you.

I LOVE how people with kids who can’t stand that we don’t have the same burden always have to throw in our faces, “Nothing in my life meant anything until I had a son!” (And it’s usually the son they are most proud of, as if girls are really only the runner-up-prize for folks like this.) What they are really saying is, “Nothing you’re doing with your life has any importance or purpose. Sure, you might think, right now, that whatever you’ve done was impressive and you’re proud of it, but I felt the exact same way until I had a child. And you’ll never realize how empty your lives are until you have a kid, and if you don’t, well, your life will always be empty and meaningless even if you don’t see it that way. Poor you.” Basically, they say that statement as a put down. And what did I say about put downs recently? They are so afraid that we think they are missing out they quickly have to insist they are NOT missing out and, in fact, WE are the ones missing out. Insecurity anyone?

So, Pete/Chris, thanks for playing, but try harder next time. Here’s some tips:

** Pick one name and stick with it. Looks less troll-y.

** If you are responding to a flame war, don’t pretend like it was totally one-sided. They never are.

** If you are responding to a flame war, respond to someone who was actually doing some flaming.

** If you are going to complain about the “undertones” of my site, please have actually read it first, and don’t complain about the benign stuff like the goals. Use specific examples, too. This way I don’t have to guess about the one line you took out of context to formulate your argument.

** Drop the racism argument. It makes you look stupid.

** Don’t whine about religion here because you’ll get no sympathy from me, since I believe religion = the biggest hate group there is. Religion is ALL about separating people, highlighting their differences and keeping them apart, not uniting them (Especially Christianity – how many freakin’ denominations does one religion need? The fuckers can’t even stand each other!!!).

Thank you, try again.

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Comments »

  1. Comment by Mila — October 20, 2009 at 12:45 am

    Damn, this was great. I completely agree that you didn’t say anything inflammatory, Phoena. He blew this whole thing WAY out of proportion. Besides, what his daddy friend posted was the truth in a joke disguise and everyone knows it. The difference is that childfree people put a decent amount of thought into childrearing whereas most parents just swallow the pro-parenthood agenda that society shoves down our throats. There is a chance that he could be the happiest he’s ever been now that he has his own little drooling, shitting, crying replica, but how bout we check back in… say… 14 years and see how much he loves parenthood.

  2. Comment by Janna — October 20, 2009 at 1:15 am

    Amen, sister. I don’t waste my time on flame wars, or even reading troll posts. I’ve got too many other things to de with my time. Things like updating my Wiki, playing with my cats, and cleaning the gunk out from under my nails.

    And this guy? Someone seriously needs to tell him that the world doesn’t revolve around him and his over-inflated ego. 9_9

  3. Comment by Janna — October 20, 2009 at 1:38 am

    “Nothing in my life meant anything until I had a son!”

    You know, something that stupid always makes me have visions of walking up to the person who said it and asking them point-blank what they’d have done if they’d had a daughter. Their potential reacion amuses me; it’d probably involve stammering, hemming-and-hawwing, and some variety of foot-in-mouth syndrome.

  4. Comment by Peggy — October 23, 2009 at 9:58 am

    I had a good laugh at this comment on the Daddy Blogger’s 10/16 whine:
    “However, you have enlightened me to this whole other faction of humans that is very very bizarre and disturbing. Like, you know there are white supremecists in the world, but you just think they live only in a small village in South Carolina and you put it out of your mind that this intolerant subsection of humanity exists…and then BAM, you are confronted with them and their very existence is throw into your world and its like WHOA, get the hell out of here. I don’t want to know you. Yeah, that’s totally how I feel right now. I’m going to go away now and hopefully tomorrow I will have forgotten that this child-hating faction exists and I never want to speak nor hear of this again.”

    Lol, sheltered much? She sounds like she’s never seen a tampax before in her life. Or a condom, for that matter.

  5. Comment by francesbean — October 23, 2009 at 9:51 pm

    I think that people who say there lives were meaningless before they had kids are people who will be miserable regardless of where their lives take them. My life was meaningful before children, and is no less meaningful after them. I also think that parents who complain about lack of sex or sleep are pathetic. Stop letting your kids run your lives, get off your lazy ass and RAISE them, and then maybe you will be able to carve some adult time.

    I love this site, I wish more breeders would see it for what it is, a condemnation of bad parenting, not all parents. And a celebration of choice.

  6. Comment by CrabCake — November 8, 2009 at 9:56 pm

    “…absolutely nothing has ever compared to the birth of my son who is now 15 months. Without question, it has been the best 24 months of my life (from pregnancy to present)”

    I despite this condescending shit. The best 24 months of your life? Your kid is TWO. I don’t want to hear how breeding is “all worrrrrrrrth it” at such an early stage. You have yet to deal with a cranky gradeschooler, a sullen middleschooler, or a rebellious teenager. Come back in 16 years and look me in the eye and tell me all woorrrrrth it. Plenty of surveys, including Ann Landers one from the 1970s, say otherwise.

    Stop trying to delude yourselves. Stop condescending to those of us who have chosen not to breed. We don’t believe you anyway.

  7. Comment by Rose — November 13, 2009 at 10:11 am

    He showed at Bratfree and said some HORRIBLE things to members over there.

  8. Comment by Maria — November 16, 2009 at 3:44 pm

    Oh, OF COURSE he couldn’t possibly finish the e-mail without mentioning his fucking sprog. He was almost done writing it and then he realized, “Oh wait! Gotta mention that I’m not a virgin! MUST MENTION KID!!” These breeders are physically incapable of not bringing up their fucktrophies in every conversation.

  9. Comment by Goddiva — January 15, 2010 at 1:59 am

    Oh just take a chunk out of my ass…”even during the pregnancy” it was all wonderful. Yeah let me guess this is also one of those guys that goes around saying “we’re” pregnant. Really? when did he miss a period? Did he gain weight, stretch marks, swollen ankles, did his water break, was his vagina on display for a room full of strangers while ‘they’ went through child birth and had a gooky alien rip him to the point of needing stitches???. Give me a fucking break!!!

  10. Comment by SSS — February 27, 2010 at 1:28 pm

    I know this is a kinda old post but I am new here and just have to drop my two cents about the old “my life was Meaningless until I had kids” bs. As a woman I find this statement particularly offensive. I personally have no desire for kids so I guess my life is MEANINGLESS, that I am WORTHLESS (unless I am a breeder) and that I am just simply DELUDED into thinking I am a valuable human being because I have not fulfilled my PURPOSE ON EARTH. This kind of tripe makes me really sad and it is the parents that propagate this type of shaming (note I didn’t say “hate speech” because I am not a self absorbed moron)that need to STFU. (*Sigh, I feel better now)

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